Below is something I scribbled down back in 2003 on my Palm Pilot. Life was quite a bit different then. In looking back at this I can see that by writing down random thoughts one can turn back the pages to see how bad it was compared to how good it is today. It's also good to see how far one can truly progress. ~DB
Driving home today I heard the hymn ''I need thee every hour'' I was fasting and asking for help. I listened and thought ''I need you now more than ever, why haven't you been there for me?'' ''Why are you making me go through all of this without you?'' "I really need your help, please help me.''
In Priesthood mtg. the lesson was about Christ's resurrection. But there was a paragraph that stood out so boldly as the answer to my prayer of desperation.
Ch. 7, pg. 65..."...As Paul discoursed eloquently on the personality of God, the philosophers listened curiously though attentively until he testified that God had raised Jesus from the dead." (many mocked him)
Wouldn't it have been great to have been there, to hear Paul speak?
Doesn't that happen today? Don't we her our Prophets speak to us? Don't people mock them as they speak?
Don't we hear those same messages over and over today?
How many times do we have to hear before we believe? Before we listen?
We tell our kids to clean their rooms, once, twice, then we punish them. How many times has he (our Father) told us what to do? Do we get 'punished'?
Or do we 'punish'' ourselves?
- We often act as kids, turn away, stop listening and walk away. Then we have the gall to ask ''why has he left me?''
Who left who?
-Has the Spirit left us? Or have we left the Spirit?
I went from Priesthood and passed by the primary room. They were singing ''...pray, he will answer...speak he will listen...he hears your prayers...''
I was feeling as if He had left me, was not listening to my prayers and was making me do this on my own.
I had done this to myself. I'm the one who turned his back, not him.
I don't know how to stay on track, but I know He is there if I need him.